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Christmas in March

2006-03-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

Many of you may have known this already, but I have no life. Last night for example when most children my age are out hitting clubs and bars wondering which STD they plan on contracting, my excitement included going to Wal-Mart with my brother looking for posterboard and watching college basketball games all day and night. Yes, I could have been out meeting some of the Treasure Valley's finest skanks, but I decided to watch Utah State and Nevada go toe to toe in what might have been the best college basketball game I'd seen all year. Instead of risking the thrilling possibility of producing a bastard child with a horny stranger, I watched Wyoming's Justin Williams--a Theo Ratliff for the 21st Century--change the course of yet another MWC Tournament game to come within a whisker of the NCAAs.

Fortunately for me, my brother has just as boring of a life as I do. It hadn't occured to me until now that I spent a Saturday afternoon with my brother looking for posterboard and multi-colored Sharpies so we could create an "official" NCAA Tournament bracket. Good times!

My brother and I haven't seen eye to eye on a lot of things in the past, but the first Sunday in March we call a truce and watch the tournament field announced. Even when I lived much further away than next door, the first call I made during the Selection Show was to my bro. Selection Sunday was our Christmas morning. Most kids got excited about opening presents on Christmas morning, we got more excited over which teams got seeded where.

So while sleeping in this morning my brother comes barging in. "Dude, Boston College is beating Duke right now." Ahhhh yes, Santa has finally arrived!

Anyway, here are my thoughts on the Field of 65.

A Mid-Major Headache

While typing out the field of 65, one team that got in (Utah State) surprised me and another really shocked me (Air Force). As great of a blow this is for the "BCS" conferences, did Air Force really deserve to be in this field? Imagine how royally pissed Missouri State must feel. Forget teams like Cincinatti and Michigan (I'll sleep a little better tonight knowing those two aren't in the field), Missouri State or maybe a team like Hofstra should be the ones bitching about this. Hey, I supported the troops and the war, but Air Force should have been an NIT team if you ask me.

"One Glass of Shut The Hell Up Mr. Packer, Coming Right Up!"

During the Selection Show on CBS, Jim Nantz along with Billy Packer made a few comments that went something like this:

Nantz: "I don't see how a conference like the Missouri Valley got this many teams in."

Packer: "Jim, over the past five seasons, ACC teams have made it to the Sweet 16 26 times, the Missouri Valley, one time. This selection committee needs to reward the conferences that do well in the tournament."

Just as I had forgotten how much I hate Billy Packer, I had a proverbial slap to the face today to remind me "oh yeah, that's why I hate Billy Packer." As this post clearly suggests, the NCAA tournament isn't enjoyable from a fan's standpoint if Cincinatti gets essentially grandfathered into the tourney as an 11 or 12 seed to bow out in the first round. The more "Cinderella" types of teams in this tournament, the more compelling storylines and the better ratings (which without that would probably put Billy on the unemployment line and Jim Nantz covering senior PGA golf tournaments for the rest of his career). What difference does it make if they don't get out of the first weekend of the tournament? Cincinatti going to the second round doesn't do it for me. Bradley going to the second round does.

Planting Some Seeds

It's nearly impossible not to mention the words "Gonzaga" and "screwed" when it comes to seeding, but I'm not sure that the Zags weren't seeded properly this time around. The only way they might have been seeded better would have been to bump them up to a 2 seed and drop Tennessee down to the 3, but other than that I think they've got a pretty decent draw. Xavier might be a stumbling block, but they should be a Sweet 16 team. They better be a Sweet 16 team.

And once again, Duke being Duke and all, they get the #1 overall seed and they won't have to leave the friendly confines of ACC Country. My brother knows how much I hate Duke and I had to explain to him (ya know, since I'm two years older than he is) that rooting for Duke is like rooting for U.S. Steel or the house in blackjack. But I like this little saying much better: "If you don't fear them you're a fool. If you don't hate them, you're just a dick."

West Coast Bias

Since there are a few teams from the West Siiiide in the field, I will now give my prognostications for each of them now:

Utah State: If I'm a Washington Husky fan, this matchup should have me shitting bricks because USU is a good basketball team. In fact they might be every bit as good as Nevada, the team they almost beat last night. Guard play is vitally important in the tournament and if Pak and Carroll have anywhere near a good game (to say nothing of Nate Harris), this will be the annual "12 seed beats a 5 seed" game this year.

Prediction: Out in the first round but it'll be close. Very close.

Gonzaga: Xavier could pose a big problem for the Zags if you were fortunate enough to watch the A-10 Championship game last night. Most have mentioned that though Gonzaga ran the table in the West Coast Conference this year but they had a lot of very tight games where they squeaked by. Yes it's true that every one else in that conference circles the Gonzaga game as their national title game, but close escapes that Gonzaga has had this year might catch up to them.

Also, the first weekend of the NCAAs may also decide the Player of the Year award. Consider this for a moment. If I'm some dumbass sportswriter back east and I'm too lazy to stay up later than 10pm, and Gonzaga fails again to get out of the first weekend of the tournament, why wouldn't I give the POY to J.J. Redick? I'm looking to give that thing to an annoying little white kid because I'm a little annoying white man.

Prediction: Round of 16. They better make the round of 16.

Nevada: I know a lot of you reading this may not like the Wolf Pack, but even you have to admit that they've made quite a name for themselves. Keep in mind that 24 months ago Nevada had never won an NCAA tournament game and now they are the 5th seed and considered "dangerous". I also think they're playing a Montana team right now that may have been a seed too high. To quote my Boise State loving brother today, "any team that lost to us this year has no business being seeded 12th". Nick Fazekas (who reminds a lot of people of Dirk Nowitzki, if you're into that sort of thing) may steal the show away from Adam Morrison in Salt Lake, too, if Gonzaga has an early exit. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Prediction: Second round, maybe Sweet 16 again if they can find a way to get past a very physical, very tough Boston College team.

San Diego State: Maybe it's because this is for all intents and purposes the best and only hope for the Mountain West, but I think the Aztecs could give Indiana some trouble. But maybe because the fact that Wyoming gave the Aztecs a lot of trouble doesn't really bode well for them? If Slaughter in particular gets into any kind of foul trouble and if Brandon Heath has an off night...

Prediction: Out in the first round, but they might hang around for much of the game.

Air Force: Oh, boy. Like I said above, there's a very legitimate case for the Force not to be in this tournament. Sure we could be misunderestimating the Falcons, but I highly doubt it. On the other hand, if both Air Force and USU win their first round games, they would play each other in the second round. Yet, I have to go with the conventional wisdom here and say that Illinois will be too much for AFA to handle.

Prediction: Out in the first round, and it could get ugly.

And last but certainly least...

Kentucky: Due to the contract UK has with Satan Worshippers Union Local 666, they must play in the tournament every single year regardless of whether we want them in or not. And what better matchup than the team that beat them like a prison ho a few years ago? (Go Blazers!)

Prediction: Out in first round, beaten again like a prison bitch. Thank God for UAB!!

So there you have it. With sincere apologies to the month of December, March really is the most wonderful time of the year.

GO UTES! (next year)

(Hopefully.)

-TK

Was Kerry Collins The Worst Raider QB Of All Time?

2006-03-10T19:19:00.000-07:00

Before we begin, take a good look at the title of this entry and tell me what you notice? If you answered "you used the past tense", you would have probably gotten a B in English and you would have correctly assumed that the Raider career of Kerry Collins is indeed in the past tense. No more overthrows of 15 yards or more, no more throwing touchdown passes to Champ Bailey or taking coverage sack after coverage sack. The long dreaded nightmare is finally over Raider fans!

Now that Collins has been thrown into the dustbin of Raider history, where does he stack up among other Raider QB's of his "ilk". Let's go down this road of Raider ignominy to see how "sKerry" Collins stacks up.

Jay Schroeder: 1988-1992 10,276 yards, 66 TD's, 62 INTs. My memories of Schroeder were basically in my infancy but as a youngster I distinctly remember that we won games back then more in spite of him than because of him. Take for example the 51-3 loss to Buffalo in the 1990 AFC Championship game where someone needed to step up after we lost Bo Jackson and neither he (nor Marcus Allen, which is another discussion) could make that game anywhere close to competitive.

Marc Wilson: 1980-1987 11,760 yards, 77 TDs, 86 INTs. Which is more astounding to you, that Wilson threw for almost 12,000 yards or that his total passing yardage as a Raider ranks him 5th in franchise history, only behind Plunkett, Lamonica, Gannon, and Stabler? I know what you're thinking too, "how did that guy throw for that many freakin' yards?"

I'll hear some opposing arguments on this but from what I remember of the Raider teams of the mid-80s, we could put some points on the board but we also gave up quite a few as well (the 1985 team that lost in the divisional round of the playoffs to New England was 9th in the league that year in points allowed). Of course, given that Wilson was a BYU quarterback and all, he was probably really limited by being "system" QB.

The moral of the story: Never trust a BYU football player. With anything. Ever.

Todd Marinovich: 1991-92. 1,345 yards. 8 TDs, 9 INTs. Up until the past few seasons, a reasonable soul could probably make the case that "Marijuanavich" was the worst Raider QB of all-time. Now if I haven't completely ruined your day yet, (brace yourselves here) Todd Marinovich started a playoff game. What you don't believe me? Here, I'll post the link again so you know I'm not lying. Try and sleep at night knowing that.

Vince Evans: 1987-1995. 3,133 yards. 22 TDs, 22 INTs. Poor Vince Evans. Vince was one of the very few "bad" Raider players that I actually felt sorry for. By all accounts Vince is a very nice man and he's leading a very productive life outside of football and the Raiders, but whenever Vince strutted on to the field, I felt a lot of pity for him. Which is a shame because I would have like to have seen him play for us closer to his prime.

Jeff George: 1997-98. 5,103 yards, 33 TDs, 14 INTs. We went 4-12 when George threw most of those yards (1997) but that record wasn't entirely his fault. (Sure would have been nice if we weren't ranked 30th in total defense and 28th in points allowed that year.) Sure, Joe Bugel didn't help. Sure, it would have also been nice if George were a brighter star in the galaxy and actually gave a damn.

I think I better stop before I start wondering if I need stronger medication. I hope you'll understand that I'm leaving out the remaining has-beens (Jeff Hostetler, Wade Wilson, Rick Mirer) and the remaining never-were's (Rusty Hilger, David Humm, Donald Hollas). Getting back to the question at hand, I'm not sure if there's a "worst" QB of all-time we can peg on any particular guy. Considering that we've had so many play that position, here's how I would sort the QB position throughout our history:

The Greats-Stabler, Plunkett, Lamonica, Gannon

The Mediocre-Schroeder, Marc Wilson, Donald Hollas

The "Stars In The Early Days"-Cotton Davidson, Tom Flores

The Past Their Prime-Hostetler, Wade Wilson

The Awful-Todd Marinovich, Kerry Collins

That looks right to me, how about you? Let's hope that the next guy doesn't belong in the "Mediocre" or "Awful" when it's all said and done.

-TK

Pride In Ownership

2006-03-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

For those of you fortunate enough to have seen the 10pm game of the Mountain West Tournament quarterfinal round, you probably know exactly where this one is going. I could go on about a new star emerging in the program (Luke Nevill), that he upstaged the Cougars Trent Plaisted, that Coach Giacoletti outcoached the MWC Coach of the Year, (and that despite the complete disappointments of this season, the Utes now stand two wins away from the NCAA Tournament) but I'll save my fingers and allow this to do the talking for me:

To the dance we shall go and GO UTES!

-TK

"How 'bout Another Collins, bartender?"

2006-03-09T14:33:00.000-07:00

Here we stand roughly 96 hours from the unofficial holiday that is Selection Sunday, and I can't quite seem to get as excited about it as I usually do. I can barely scrounge up enough enthusiasm for a Utah/byU game in the conference tournament for cryin' out loud. So now is as good of a time as any to figure out this Kerry Collins contract situation.

I only bring this up because a co-worker of mine (also a Raider fan) asked me last night what I thought of him possibly coming back and I couldn't come up with an answer that was anywhere near coherent. (Hate it when that happens.) Without further ado, pull up a chair, grab a cold one and let's examine both sides of the issue and come to the proper, fair conclusion.

(Or we'll do it my way and sideskirt the point, stray off task and if we're lucky I'll give you an answer that will at least make sense.)

Remember how you felt when we first signed Kerry Collins? Sure, we knew his track record before he donned the silver and black, but most of us didn't care. We've given lots of really bad players really great opportunities over the past 15 years or so (e.g.: Jay Schroeder, Todd Marinovich, Ricky Dudley, Anthony Dorsett, etc.) so why not Collins?

You know as well as I do that Collins does this current offense no good. I suppose a person could argue that Kerry didn't have much of a chance because we utilized zone blocking on the line last year that we didn't give him a equitable chance, but it still doesn't change the fact that we can ill afford to have someone so statuesque at the QB position.

If Collins needs to go, we'll need a replacement, and as much potential as I think a guy like Andrew Walter has I don't think he's quite ready to take over the reigns just yet. The adage "the most popular guy in town is the second string QB" comes to mind and our fans are certainly no exception (Ca. 1985: "Plunkett's washed up, put in the Wilson kid!") And while I was checking out the possible free agent QB's available I thought of...chinese food. Allow me to explain.

For the brief, yet thrill-packed 25 years of my life I don't think I've ever really craved chinese food. I can't remember saying "boy some chicken chow mein would really hit the spot!" Don't get me wrong, I'll eat chinese food because...well, it's food and I kind of like being able to eat food every once in a while. But in the world of totally unnecessary and not very nutritious food, chinese is not a clutch performer for me. Put it this way: if it's late at night, I've had too much to drink and I need some foodstuff to sop up all the grain alcohol I've consumed, Sweet and Sour Chicken is nowhere to be found.

That's sort of how I feel about the current class of free agent QB's (Drew Brees being the possible exception). Daunte Culpepper seems a tad fragile, although it would be something to see Culpepper and Moss re-united. Mark Bulger was always a "product of the system" kind of a QB. Tommy Maddox I'm no---wait, we didn't just hear that did we? A better idea would be to send some gauze and cotton swabs to the nursing home lucky enough to house Vince Evans.

Naturally, this puts the team and Shell and in turn Mr. Davis in a pretty precarious position. The fans, the customers, schmucks like you and me aren't pleased with Collins and I can't possibly imagine that anyone else within the organization is either. Collins starts throwing TD passes to opposing cornerbacks, fans start booing, then fans stop showing up then fans start wondering if it's all some elaborate scheme to move the team again.

Do I want to see Collins go bye-bye? Yes, yes! However, I'm also prepared for the very likely possibility of Collins returning for next season. If the only place to eat on a given street is Heop Sing's, I'll eat it because it's food. Consequently if the only QB we have to go with happens to be Kerry Collins, then I suppose I'll have to live with the indigestion that's likely to result.

Fear not, if we don't give the keys over to Andrew Walter or draft Vince Young or David Cutler, it might not be a bad idea to familiarize ourselves with this handy dandy list. Seemed only fitting I suppose.

Another Collins, bartender?

-TK

Should the records count?

2006-03-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

The other day when I obviously had no better use of my time I ran acrossed a little known syndicated TV show called Eye for an Eye starring the venerable Judge Extreme Akim and the immortal Kato Kaelin. So that got me to wondering "if justice is sometimes a baseball bat, can't justice also be a blog entry?"

Let's try the case of the famous yet invidiously ridiculed San Francisco Giant against the public and the game of baseball that would give up regular sex to see him whisked away to a cozy 8 ft. by 10 ft. prison cell. The judge is about to enter...let's listen in.

"All Rise! The 69th Circuit Court of Public Opinion is now in session, the Honorable Judge Tyler Q. Public Presiding."

Please be seated.

Today we have the case of Barry Bonds the defendant v. Major League Baseball the plaintiff. What say you plaintiff?

PLAINTIFF: Your honor, I come to this court on behalf of all Major League Baseball fans, players, and groupies in the matter of the defendant, Barry Bonds, a left fielder for the San Francisco Giants. Let the record show that since 1998, Mr. Bonds has taken a wide array of anabolic steroids to gain an unfair advantage over the remaining players in the game of baseball. We humbly request that his currently standing single season home run record of 73 home runs be stricken from all record books and for Mr. Bonds to be immediately sent to a Circle of Hell Between the 5th and 9th. Thank you, your honor.

JUDGE TK: Alright, defendant, what do you got?

DEFENDANT: Man, these guys don't understand that I earned those records. You don't need steroids to hit a baseball and I'm living proof. It's all hand-eye coordination baby! Your honor, the defendant that's trying to destroy my good name already has me tried, convicted and hanged. In fact, I never really had a good name with some of these guys. Tell you what baseball, you're all high and mighty about removing cheaters from the game, why stop with me? It's not like I'm the only guy to pick on.

JUDGE TK: Thanks defendant. Pardon my ignorance here, but wasn't the use of steroids in the game of baseball basically legal during the time frame the plaintiff specified?

PLAINTIFF: Yes, but it's still against the law!

DEFENDANT: Hey can I object?

JUDGE TK: I don't know, can you?

DEFENDANT: Just because something is against the law doesn't mean that is has any bearing on my records standing or being broken. "The fact that someone should write in the newspaper is, I've never failed a drug test."

JUDGE TK: Ehhh...if this were a criminal court, or a civil court...or an actual court I'd say "overruled" but I'll have to go ahead and sustain this. Defendant, talk about something else.

PLAINTIFF: Here's our main beef your honor and it's really simple, something that even you can understand---

JUDGE TK: Now that was uncalled for.

PLAINTIFF: Sorry. We know that he's never actually tested positive for any steroid, but come on, take a look at these pictures of the defendant over the many years. We would like to submit this into evidence if you don't mind.

JUDGE TK: Sure, whatever. Hmmmm...you know come to think of it, you got awful big awful fast there, Mr. Bonds. Let us get down to the nitty gritty, defendant. Have you ever used steroids or anything that would lead us to believe that you did?

DEFENDANT: "No. I don't have to [use steroids]. I mean, I'm a good enough ballplayer as it is. I don't need to be any better. I can't get any better at this age."

PLAINTIFF: Your honor it's clearly no coincidence that during the time that the defendant was using steroids his numbers increased dramatically. The defendant had also never until his record setting 73 home runs in 2001 hit more than 50 at any point in his career.

DEFENDANT: "What did I do? What did I do? What are you going to apologize for when you're wrong? This is old stuff. I mean, it's like watching Sanford and Son. It's just rerun after rerun after rerun. It's almost comical, basically."

PLAINTIFF: You were on steroids, that's what you did wrong. Come on, admit it, you know you were taking that stuff every day of the week and twice for doubleheadhers. You cheated, you're a fraud, you overcompensate for small genitalia, and you have a loft apartment in the Castro.

DEFENDANT: "All you guys lied! All of y'all and the story have lied. Should you have asterisks behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong."

PLAINTIFF: No, you're the liar!

DEFENDANT: No, you are!

PLAINTIFF: Nu-uh!

DEFENDANT: Yeah, huh!

PLAINTIFF: You want a piece of me teeny nuts?

DEFENDANT: Bring it motherf----

JUDGE TK: Order!! Order!! I will not have this fake court turn into some grade school pissing contest. One more word out of either of you and I'll spend some quality time with some back issues of Playboy. Let's take a brief recess so I can surf for porn in the judge's chambers.

(court goes to recess)

All Rise! Court is now in session, the Honorable Ju---

JUDGE TK: Wait, didn't we do this crap already? Ah, hell with it, I kinda like hearing the words "Honorable" and "Tyler" in the same sentence. Continue, baliff.

*Ahem* The Honorable Judge Tyler Q. Public presiding.

JUDGE TK: Now I feel important. After considering the evidence from both sides, I think I'm ready to hand down my verdict...

...why the hell are you all still standing? Sit yo' asses down! Sheesh!

As I understand it, the plaintiff has let the record and this court be known that not only has the defendant gone through the very noticable physical changes, he also had some very inflated statistical numbers, particularly his 73 home runs in the year 2001. The defendant has responded to these charges by simply sticking to his own stories (many of which are under oath of criminal courts and...um, real courts) that he is completely innocent.

While the weight and the empirical evidence of this case are clearly on the side of the plaintiff, the problem lies in the fact that the same arguments posed by the defendant could be made against the previous record holder, Mark McGwire. Furthermore, I'm not entirely sure if striking the defendant's name from the record books would really accomplish anything other than to have the game of baseball say "oops, our bad."

In a perfect world, stripping the "defendant" of his records is the correct punishment, but we know that baseball is nowhere near perfect. We know that McGwire took androstendione during his 1998 record setting season which was also legal and we also know that the late Ken Caminiti was a habitual steroid user, and that Adam Kennedy (!) once hit 3 home runs in a postseason game.

It's my judgment that if one wants to make a note of these allegations in the record book, then let's place an asterisk in the books. One that will footnote for all time (or until the record is finally broken) "yes, you broke the record, but forever more it shall denote the defendant's use of anabolic steroids." To me, this is the greater punishment for such a crime.

This court is ajourned.

-Judge TK

The Bitter Taste of Juice

2006-03-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

March is usually the time of year where women start to wear more revealing clothing and men who have the attention span longer than the typical television commercial look forward to the upcoming baseball season. Or in my particular case, you get this little reminder of why looking forward to baseball season for me is a Sisyphean effort.

Right now I would love to concoct a more myopic opinion on this and stick with my original defense of Barry (i.e.: He has yet to test positive for a currently banned steroid and has said so himself), but he's not making things any easier. More of his own words may shed some light, so here's a neat little quote from the Man himself:

"I think we have other issues in this country to worry about that are a lot more serious. Talk about the athletes that are helping [Hurricane] Katrina. Ask yourselves how much money y'all personally donated and have helped. You know what? There are still other issues that are more important [than steroid use in baseball]. Right now people are losing lives and don't have homes. I think that's a little more serious, a lot more serious. I've been tarnished in baseball for years and years, brother. There's nothing you guys can write or people can say that will ever fix that. It doesn't matter anymore. I go out there and enjoy the game."

Besides these comments possibly being used as the best way to discourage your children from attending Arizona State, I don't have much of a retort for this. I don't have any rebuttal that any reasonable person would even come close to taking seriously.

My gift for basic common sense notwithstanding, SI's reading of the Riot Act today hasn't stopped some Giants fans from throwing the "oh they're out to get Barry" or my personal favorite "Giants fans are disliked because of the slightly liberal leanings of the home team's city and because we have a message board where we discuss dildos and S&M." (okay I make the last half of that up). This poses two problems for me personally, in that I'm not a liberal and don't have much use for dildos or S&M. (Though with my penchant for multitasking, I still would like a good menaige a trois before I die.)

It's indeed a waste of time for me to formally apologize for the rest of the knuckleheads in the Giants fan base because most of America knows unequivocally that San Francisco is not a place where the sane are welcome. Most if not all great civilizations had places where the infirm, the kooky and the idiotically immature can all meet and discuss which STD they'd like to contract. The Old Testament had Sodom and Gomorrah, the ancient Greeks had Athens and America has San Francisco. For example, San Francisco once had a nutcase in their midst named Emporer Norton who was so kind as to remind all these United States that he was considerd its "Emporer", perhaps the pre-cursor to Gavin Newsom's perfunctory gay marriage license.

(I'd like to take a detour here and touch on the Bill O'Reilly comment linked above. I've always said that the easiest way to find out who is a liberal is someone who reflexively thinks of O'Reilly as a "conservative". Furthermore, why launch a terrorist attack on Coit Tower when you can simply mock it? It's pretty phallic looking wouldn't you say? Perhaps we could get some wise asses at the NRA to put a large condom looking plastic covering over it with a sign saying "The Only Protection Allowed in San Francisco". Let's keep the blowing up of buildings and acts of terror to Al Qaeda could we Bill? Thanks. Good thing he's not a conservative or anything otherwise I'd really be pissed.)

The Giants aren't immune from this sort of thing either. (Any Giants fan who was old enough to remember the Krazy Krab, the quintessential anti-mascot could tell you that). Like building a stadium for the Giants in 1960 in the worst place in the City to build just so [Giants owner] Horace Stoneham could have enough parking spaces. Or instead of constructing a team that was a tough out from 1-8, a pitching staff that could use it's ballpark to it's advantage, the Giants thought "hey dudes, let's pin all of our hopes on Barry and this Greg Anderson guy he's been hanging out with and see where it takes us".

I'm not particularly miffed at the fact that for the past half dozen seasons we have employed a suspected cheater. It's that now the accomplishments of his teammates--and in turn the team itself--have now been tarnished. When people think of the San Francisco Giants of the past several seasons, they now won't think of J.T. Snow's brilliant defense at first base. They won't think of the pitching performances of Jason Schmidt or Russ Ortiz. They won't even think of Jeff Kent breaking his hand in a tragic truck washing incident (thank God). They will think of a team that...cheated.

Ultimately, I'm a Giants fan first and a Barry Bonds fan a very distant second. If we find out that the accusations were false, fine. If they are true and the asterisks are placed next to his name in the record books (which may not be the proper punishment), then Giants fans like me will have to live with the reality of the fact that the organization we've come to know and love had a steroid user on it's payroll.

Say it ain't so, Barry. Say it ain't so.

-TK

Possible New Additions To The Coaching Staff

2006-02-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

Coach Shell has really amped it up since his re-hire. Brick by brick, the coaching staff is being rebuilt with possibly a new offensive coordinator (Mayor Tom Walsh) and offensive line coach (pro football coach Jackie Slater). I have to say, Shell is really leaving no doubt to his ultimate goal.

(Okay, I just used three Boise State football slogans in this space. I formally apologize and may God have mercy on my soul.)

In general, I like these two hires. Walsh doesn't excite a lot of people at OC, but we could have brought back Terry Robiskie or even one of the crappy college coordinators like Tommy Lee or Craig Ver Steeg that the Utes had back in the 90s. The guy has been out of coaching for a while, yes, but I think our "point of emphasis" for next year will be on fixing the offensive line.

Which makes the probable hire of a guy like Jackie Slater even more poignant. Slater's coaching experience is rather limited in his own right, but I don't think Shell (or, if you believe that sort of thing, Mr. Davis) had that in mind when. You see, there's a very likely chance that Shell and Davis are trying to rebuild the coaching staff starting with Shell and going from there. Neither is really a long-term hire--certainly not Walsh I wouldn't think--but if it works out, we'll never have to worry about hiring anywhere else but in-house for a while.

-TK

On the QB Situation

2006-02-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

KFFL's Hot off the Wire section had this little snipet about the current situation at quarterback:

Josh Dubow, of the Associated Press, reports the Oakland Raiders still have a decision to make regarding QB Kerry Collins. The Raiders still have to decide whether to stick with Collins, who will count $12.9 million against the salary cap next season. "He is an exciting quarterback," head coach Art Shell said. "I think he has a chance to be great for us. But those issues will be addressed down the road."

It's probably far too easy to read more into this than is really there. One can assume that it's becoming more likely that, despite how uniquely terrible he was last year, Collins will be back next year, what with the huge chunk of cap space he's taking up. But on the flip side, it's rather presumptuous to think that a week after the Pro Bowl Shell is making a decision on Collins already.

Right now, we're sort of caught between a rock and a hard place. Releasing Collins would be fine if it weren't for the cap, but what other option is genuinely available to us? Unless Collins wants to restructure and Andrew Walter takes over for him (and to be perfectly honest I have concerns of my own about Walter), this might be the best move we could make.

For now.

-TK

The Shell Game

2006-02-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

William Safire once said that if one wants to become a writer, the things one writes shouldn’t change a reader’s mind otherwise it isn’t good writing. I guess I should probably defer to the expertise of Safire, since knows what he’s talking about and has a much larger vocabulary than I do. Alas, I’m not entirely convinced that my thoughts on the newest (!) head coach of the Oakland Raiders and the current state of the franchise will change your mind, but here goes…

Consider for a moment the successors to Art Shell when he was fired after we moved back to Oakland. Five head coaches (White, Bugel, Gruden, Callahan, and Turner) came and went. Only one of those five---Gruden---found any type of success (I suppose that Callahan did as well, but I think his tenure was more of a glorified interim position than anything else). After Norv was fired, Raider Nation wanted someone that would bring in some innovation to the team or, failing that, make them feel better with a series of scowls and expletive filled tirades on the sideline. (Like one of the new guy’s
predecessors.)

So the names of potential candidates came up. Ron Rivera. Mike Singletary. Pat Hill. Gil Haskell. Al Saunders. James Lofton. Ken Wisenhunt. And one by one, they all went by the wayside. It brings me great sarcastic pleasure to introduce to you the next head coach of the Oakland Raiders….

…Art Shell.

Now, I think I can recite all the clichés from memory about a hire (or rather, a “re-hire”) such as this one (i.e.: “No one wants to coach the Raiders”, “Al has lost it”, “Oh great, Shell the puppet master!” “If Art ended up re-hired, why was Norv fired in the first place?”). I think I also have a pretty good instinct on our coaching hires. I’m not sure why, but I can usually tell when we’re going into a good situation and when we’re not. I didn’t have much optimism for White or Bugel, I thought Gruden was going to hang around longer than he did, Callahan was as I mentioned above a glorified interim HC, and I think I wanted to dry heave at the mere mention of Norv Turner. How do I feel about Shell coming back?

Well, there could have been worse moves made at this point in our roller coaster ride type of history. But could there have been better? I know many of us wailed and gnashed teeth at bringing in an “innovator” and “someone with fire and passion” to steer the ship, and that’s all well and good. But will this “innovation” win any football games? “Fire, passion, and discipline” sound great if you’re filming some sort of pyromaniac fetish/S&M sex tape, but can that alone win games in the National Football League?

I have heard it said among my fellow Raider fans “well, I’ve been a fan since the late Jurassic Period, so that gives me license to bitch and whine and moan about the current state of our team.” To me, this is little more than an excuse to blame Al Davis for all of the faults of this team. Moreover, this particular line of reasoning makes me apoplectic and it’s not because I believe Mr. Davis is our Lord and Savior. First of all such sentiment is incredibly illogical. What reasonable person could make the assertion that our poor play at QB, the poor blocking by and injuries to our offensive line, the crummy turnover margin, etc., that all occurred on the field is all the fault of some lugubrious overlord that is hellbent on keeping the team mediocre? Second, why would someone like Mr. Davis, who has for all intents and purposes made the Oakland Raiders his life’s work, hold his own team back on purpose?

Fortunately for all involved, Al recognized this once upon a time when he remarked (and I paraphrase) “working for the Raiders is the greatest job in the world. When you succeed you get all the credit and when you lose, I get the blame.” So let me get around to finally answering the question that I posed above. Here are the reasons why I think Shell was brought back:

1. Shell went 54-38 when he coached the Raiders the last time, went to the postseason 3 times and won the AFC West in 1990. We were supposed to be going after a “proven winner” and when you get down to brass tacks, who really fit that category that was currently available? And furthermore, would you have wanted to hire a guy like Mike Martz or Mike Sherman or Steve Mariucci? It’s not like we re-hired Joe Bugel, because that is how a lot of people are reacting to it.

2. The guy Al really wanted didn’t work out and it’s not who who you might think. Despite the shoddy reporting from ESPN and the AP, the head coaching job was only offered to two guys. The first guy not only turned us down once but three different times. I can only surmise that when someone who isn’t a Raider fan that when they read that last sentence they are lead to believe that “well, Al probably begged and pleaded with him and said ‘pretty please with a cherry on top’ and he said something to the effect of ‘dude, I already told you I don’t want to be your puppet’”. However, I think the truth is a little more complicated, particularly since the guy we really wanted currently has a teenage son who’s a pretty good high school QB himself. The “guy” I am referring to is Louisville head coach Bobby Petrino. Had Petrino come on board, it would have been a precedent setting move for a few reasons. For one, it would have been the first college coach Al has ever hired to take the head job. For another, Petrino would have been offered a lot of money---by anybody’s standards, let alone Al’s. So if nothing else, two stereotypes about Al’s coaching hires would have been completely blown out of the water. But since that didn’t work out…

3. Art Shell if nothing else is a Raider. One of the more publicized regrets of Al’s is that he regretted firing Shell after the 1994 season. Which, if one looks back at the 1995 season when we lost the final 6 games of the year to finish 8-8 and out of the playoffs under Mike White, it makes perfect sense. Let’s pretend for a moment that Shell stayed on for the 1995 season. Would we have lost 6 in a row, maybe gone 10-6 that year and won a game or two in the playoffs? We’ll never know, but it could have been a much different outcome if you were to ask me.

4. Shell also has a lot to prove to Mr. Davis. (Or to the casual observer, the media, the fans, God, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, and maybe the Queen of England). He wants to prove, I believe, that he’s not a “puppet” or that he’s a coach by proxy. (We can all thank Marcus Allen for that.) He also wants to put the football world on notice that when the Oakland Raiders come to town, you take them lightly at your own peril. Was the return of Shell the right move? No one knows until the first play of the 2006 season begins.

As a sidenote, another Raider fan has a different take on the hiring of Shell and I thought it was rather compelling. Maybe the hiring of Shell is not to serve as some lackey in a brutal dictatorship, but the eventual successor to Big Al?

Ultimately, this wasn’t the best hire we could have made, but it was not by any stretch of the imagination the worst hire that we could have made. There’s also a very important lesson that I’ve learned in the past six weeks: most fans are idiots. And I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense and I don’t mean that to slight a particular group of fans or a particular team’s fan base. Fan knowledge has its limitations. It’s hindered by the lens of a camera or the “inside” information of ESPN employees. Most of us didn’t play in the NFL or in college or even in high school. What little people know about the inner workings of most NFL teams is even less with the Raiders. This is the precise reason why when someone either laughs at the hire or Shell or goes into some spontaneous menstrual cycle over it, I have to think that’s the cackle or hissyfit of the ignorant.

When August comes around, I’ll end up giving my reasons why I think we’ll destroy the league like I always do, because I am a fan and that’s part of my agenda as a fan. If someone cares to laugh at me and give the usual trite retorts about my own short-sightedness…well I suppose I’m doing this in mixed company.

Welcome home Art…and GO RAIDERS!

-TK

New URL for JBB!!

2005-06-21T11:08:00.000-06:00

Just letting you kind folks now that I have now switched venues for this blog. http://www.utefans.net/blogs/index.php?blog=2

So, please update your bookmarks and do all that jive because we're movin' on up...movin' on up! Tooo the east siiide! To a deluxe apartment in the----ok, I'll stop singing now.

Thanks for being patient.

-TK

Does he or doesn't he?

2005-06-21T00:57:00.000-06:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2091113

So here we go again with Barry. Three comments with this article:

1) Barry makes the remark "I'm not worried about my hitting too much." And why should he? He's only perhaps the premiere power hitter of the past two decades in the game, has had more MVP's in his career than I've had dates recently, and completely changes the way an opposing team plays the game when he's in the lineup.

2) With that fact said, Barry will be 41 next month. How good will he be at the plate if he doesn't play at all this season? Can he go almost a year and a half without facing major league pitching?

3) Hypothetically, what will the Giants front office do? Say for example an AL team looking for a DH makes an offer to Sabean to try and pry Barry away. Does Sabean do what most sane people would do and say "Barry WILL retire as a Giant" or does he decide to make everyone in the Bay Area hate him and make a trade? Bear in mind, this was the same man who traded away Matt Williams and had to placate the local media by saying "I'm not an idiot!"

Depending on one's opinion though, it may get worse for the Giants before its better.

-TK

An Interesting (Raiders related) Prediciton

2005-06-20T18:02:00.000-06:00

Checking my email today I ran acrossed a very intriguing prediction from a fellow Raiders fan:

OK, here it is.... Lamont Jordan is going to gain more yards in one
season than any other Raiders running back in 20 years. In other
words, more than the 1294 that Kaufmann gained in 1997. And because
of this, the Raiders' defense is going to be much more rested and
have less time on the field and the Raiders WILL be in the playoffs.
There will be no 8-in-the-box against an offense featuring
Rice/Porter/Curry. As long as the young offensive line can keep it
together, look out.

For the most part I agree with this. Our running game has been perhaps the most anemic, if not inconsistent part of the offense over the past few seasons. How many RB's have we had that have either been injured or just havent panned out over the past decade? Or better yet, the past five seasons? Wheatley, Fargas, Hambrick, Garner (sorta...he wasn't exactly the every down back that Bo or Marcus Allen were)...

Defensively though, well, I would like to have seen this prediciton read more along the lines of "our D will finally stop teams on 3rd down". Being on the field less is one thing. Forcing the other team off the field is entirely another.

But I can now sleep easier at night not see anyone stacking 8 in the box anymore against us.

-TK

And now for everyone's favorite subject...

2005-06-20T11:34:00.000-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050620/sc_nm/health_fertility_orgasm_dc_1

I am a sucker for strange medical studies like these. Just once I would like to know how a team of medical doctors can come up with this idea. Does one of them come into work one day and say "I found out my girlfriend's been faking on me."

"Faking what, Jim?"

"Faking...you know...ohh, ohh, ohh..."

"Ohhhh."

Then everyone giggles under their breath and leaves the room. Somewhere in the Netherlands that conversation must have taken place, judging by this comment:

"Women can imitate orgasm quite well," Gert Holstege told a fertility meeting Monday. "But there is nothing really happening in the brain."

I don't know about you, but I surmise that ol' Gert has been told this by more than a few ladies. But that could be me though.

-TK

New Ute Football Uniforms

2005-06-20T01:18:00.000-06:00

Many Ute fans are likely to hate this new design, almost to the point of practically PMS'ing about it. And I can't really say I blame them, just because Nike has a horrrrible reputation (to borrow a line from Bill Walton) of creating the most ostentatious, loud uniforms imaginable.

But this uni could have been a lot worse than it actually turned out. Ask the folks in Eugene, Oregon how it feels to have their team look like there are 11 bottles of Lemon Juice on the field. Considering we're not a "legacy" like Miami or Oklahoma or USC, I would say they turned out...ok.

-TK

And The Foot In Mouth Award Goes To...

2005-06-20T00:53:00.000-06:00

http://msn.foxsports.com/motor/story/3701634

When I was a kid, I had this program on my computer back then called Certificate Maker. You would pick a number--since I didnt have the list of all the certificates--and it would print a different certificate. Most, if not all, were jokes, like "Murphy's Law Degree" and "Brown Noser Of The Month".

Needless to say, Formula 1 auto racing chief Bernie Ecclestone is the winner of the "Foot In Mouth" award. Here's what he thinks of the hottest thing to hit motor sports since Mario Andretti's temper, Danica Patrick:

"You know, I've got one of these wonderful ideas that women should be all dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances"

Classy guy, huh?

Unfortunately, ladies, he's not single. What a shame!

-TK

Yawning through the NBA Finals

2005-06-19T20:01:00.000-06:00

Question: Have any of you remembered a more boring NBA Finals than this one? Yes, I realize that this will be as close to fundamental basketball as the NBA gets--not to mention the first four games in this series have been laughers--but to be honest the only thing that I really care about in this series is if Eva Longoria shows up to the game with a sign saying "Tyler, will you marry me?"

Five years ago, I would have been all over this. I would have been dissecting matchups, watching the West Coast edition of Sportscenter, how Tim Duncan matched up with Ben and Rasheed Wallace, the whole bit. Not now. It's not that I don't enjoy basketball any less--nobody gets more into the NCAA Tournament than my brother and I--I just think the NBA is a crummy product. From the Shaq and Kobe era of the damn Lakers, to the Knicks/Heat "rivalry" that turned every game into Fight Club on Hardwood, the Michael Jordan 2nd un-retirement, I've just become bored with the NBA right now.

That and chicks don't dig a long conversation about how Manu Ginobili will be Finals MVP. Who knew?

-TK

If It Weren't For Bad Luck...

2005-06-19T19:26:00.000-06:00

http://sanfrancisco.giants.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20050617&content_id=1093376&vkey=news_sf&fext=.jsp&c_id=sf

How many injuries can the Giants sustain in one season anyway? You thought the 95 and 96 seasons were tough to watch...

Changing things around

2005-06-19T17:56:00.000-06:00

Since I'm new to the whole blogging thing, I'm playing around with some new templates and trying to make this easier to read. Much as I think a Raiders-themed blog should have a black color to it, the generic templates from Blogger are pretty difficult to read (at least they were for me). That and I got a headache from reading this thing in the original template.

So until I can figure out how to make my own template--or I can convince someone to make a skull and cross bones template--I'll just have to go with this one for now.

Thanks for being patient and GO RAIDERS!

-TK

Whither Troy Hambrick?

2005-06-19T16:34:00.000-06:00

Just noticed this on Pro Football Talk regarding Troy Hambrick:

http://profootballtalk.com/rumormill.htm

Last season the Raiders signed Hambrick and...let's just say his tenure wasn't what it should have been. I, being the eternal optimist that I am, expected more of a contribution from him and when he came into training camp horribly out of shape, I was clearly wrong (I know what a shock!).

Reading a little further:

The feeling among some of Hambrick's teammates is that "all he does is bitch and whine and he thinks he's better than he is."

Judging by that comment, I'm glad we cut our losses.

-TK

NFL's All Criminal Team

2005-06-19T14:02:00.000-06:00

http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=850&SectionID=2&LayoutType=1&StoryMonth=6&StoryYear=2005

I presume that an All-Criminal team would have to include at least one Raider, just because enforcing a stereotype is easy and it uses fewer brain cells. Two things though stuck out at me when I read this:

1) If someone is so desperate to have Tood Marinovich, they can have him. Just don't say I didnt warn you when he throws 4 INT's in a playoff game.

2) How does an All Criminal Team not include the immortal Clarence Kay?

-TK

I Don't Get NASCAR

2005-06-19T13:07:00.000-06:00

My family has a Sunday tradition--specifically, Sunday's that no one has to work--known as "NASCAR Dirt Day". Essentially, we all do nothing until the Winston---err, "Nextel" Cup--race is over (including showering, hence the "Dirt" concept), and Mom shouts and screams for someone, anyone, to put Jeff Gordon into the wall.

I "get" NASCAR from a cultural standpoint. For gearheads and fans of motorsports in general, I'd imagine it has to be the highlight of one's week. It's also a pretty redneck "red-state" type of event as well, so it makes for a pretty vile liberal stereotype of the Bush voter.

What I don't get is NASCAR as a spectator sport. I loathe Jim Rome, but I think he's right about NASCAR when he said "Who wants to see a bunch of cars turn left?" And that, in a nutshell, is what NASCAR always was to me: A bunch of cars turning left. Of course, the "action" in NASCAR may be much more subtle than it would be in a more traditional, for lack of a better term, spectator event.

Then again, I am enthralled with televised poker, so maybe I have no room to talk?

-TK

Since it is Father's Day...

2005-06-19T12:36:00.000-06:00

http://www.nationalreview.com/goldberg/goldberg200506170746.asp

I loved this piece and it got me to thinking about my relationship with my dad.

My dad and I--to put it mildly--didn't get along when I was growing up. Even today we still don't have the most "lovey dovey" feelings toward each other. He might, but the feeling isn't really a mutual one.

And maybe part of it's my own fault, too? We both have the same ornery, stubborn characteristics that really annoys the rest of our family. Plus, I was a very ornery, stubborn teenager.

Where am I going with this? Well, on a day like today where most people are playing golf or having a few beers or spending the day with Dad, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the hell happened...

Maybe someday I'll resolve this little piece of my life and move on to more important things, like who Tom Cruise will be marrying this month?

Now THAT's sippin' whiskey!

2005-06-19T01:35:00.000-06:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/southern_counties/4095758.stm

Never mind the fact that he probably urinated away a small fortune. The important thing was he did it for a good cau----er, wait, he didn't do it for a good cause.

Oh, well.

It's Like Henry David Thoreau...

2005-06-18T22:49:00.000-06:00

http://www.cougarblueii.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=4575

...only, it's Todd Christensen. One might ask why I would choose to mock poor Todd and his fantastic use of Roget's Thesaurus. I am doing this a) because he did afterall play for BYU in his college days, and b) some of the lines he writes are just too funny to me. Take for example:

"...however I am reminded of Thoreau"

Okay, stop right there. Football and Thoreau should never come up in the same context. It's the literary version of a peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich. Both of these things by themselves are great, they are just terrible together. Continue:

"...The University cognoscenti"

I think I ate that once at the Olive Garden. And is it me or does anyone find the Olive Garden to be overrated as a restaurant?

Chiefs Sign "The People's Champ"

2005-06-18T21:50:00.000-06:00

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/369985

To be honest, I'm kind of looking forward to Mitchell playing in KC. Not for any matchup purposes (although it makes our job trying to stop them tougher), but for how he'll try to make fun of the Raiders. And remember that hideous cowboy outfit he had in the postgame press conference during the playoffs this year?

That and I can now make the "you're all hat and no cattle, Mitchell!" slam seem much more useful.

-TK

Just Blog, Baby!: The Maiden Voyage

2005-06-18T21:12:00.000-06:00

Hi, blogosphere!

Hi, Tyler!

(Wait, who's talking to me?)

Anyway, my name is Tyler and this is the latest vehicle for all the things I wouldn't dare say to a person's face. I'm not entirely sure as to what direction this will head, so I'll try to make this an outposts for as much of my observations as I can.

After intense pondering (read: several beers), I decided to call this joint Just Blog, Baby!, and during football season, most of what I post here will probably have something to do with my beloved Oakland Raiders. But I don't live off of Silver and Black alone--although sometimes it seems that way. So if there's anything I find funny, interesting, thought provoking, or just looks good in a two piece, you'll find it here.

Enjoy!

-TK